Raising A Daughter In The #metoo Era

I am typically a quiet participant when it comes to politics and going on's in the world, but lately the #metoo movement has really hit a soft spot.  When the initial sexual harassment allegations began, it almost seemed to me like a scheme because there were so many claims.  I quickly realized I was being naive, and recognized that 20+ years ago, it was NOT okay to speak up for yourself as a women. Women were designed to cook, clean, and make babies. (HA!) I recognized each woman coming forward was giving strength to the next woman in line.  Each woman that stood up for herself, was empowering the one after her to do the same, hence the vast numbers of powerful survivors. (Forehead slap)

I live in a small town, that not only is male dominated, but some women continue with old world thinking. Thank goodness some residents are trying to make a change.  Our local newspaper recently published an article that outrageously suggested that women who prompted the #metoo movement, who were raped, sexually assaulted, or harassed 40 years ago need to "get over it."  He compared it to the McCarthy Era. EXCUSE ME!?  Being a woman, and also a victim, this was extremely offensive.  A ridiculous ideal from what seems to be an old man bound by ignorance.  A man perceiving harassment as this has no idea what it is like to be sexualized or spoken to because of your body or gender.  A very good friend of mine sent in the most amazing and beautfully spoken rebuttle to this man's pure ignorance.  https://www.indianagazette.com/opinion/to-women-girls-everywhere-i-am-with-you/article_6a7cf34e-fdfe-11e7-aa28-13e4ab5fc2d5.html?utm_medium=social&utm_source=facebook&utm_campaign=user-share

It started to terrify me to think about raising a daughter in these times.  In 2018, there still remains so much ignorance within our country about women, minorities, genders, races, ect.  How women can be perceived is disgusting, and it makes me want to help the nation make a change.

I recently read an article (I searched high and low to reference this article, but damned if I can find it) where a woman was talking about how she was raised to "be sweet".  She made a commitment to her daughters to change this. She talked about the challenges she is facing amongst her family to raise her daughters to "be kind" rather than sweet.  She stated in the article something about teaching our daughters that being kind and standing up for themselves, is vastly different than being a "sweet" doormat.

As a woman I have been sexually harassed.  Thankfully, my parents didn't raise a "sweet" woman.  They raised a woman to be strong, kind, independent, and to be able to stand up for herself.  And in my predicament I stood up for myself and took back the power that the man harassing me was trying to gain. 

I plan on doing the same with my daughter, making her kind, yet strong.  Powerful, independent, and  empowering her.  I don't want her to become a victim, ever.  If, some day she finds herself in an uncomfortable situation, I want her to be able to stand up for herself without getting the blame.  I want her to take charge of her life, and shout to the world #metoo!

Happy New Year!

Happy New Year everyone! 2018, wow, I just can't even believe it's here!  I feel like the hubs and I just found out we were pregnant in 2015!  Crazy how time flies when you're having fun.

I don't really believe in New Year's resolutions, but I do resolve to blog more often about more interesting topics so hopefully I can get some followers that can relate to things I am going through.  I may start to review the products I use for Marlo and hope to help others find things that work for them and their babies. 

Another resolution I have is to get a handle on my anxiety.  I have started with a new therapist and she is wonderful!  She has already given me some tools for my toolbox in order to calm myself down when I feel like I am getting anxious, and we've only met once!  And guess what, these things work!  She assured me she feels that my anxiety can be helped without the use of medication, (which only causes me more anxiety!)  I have found that I have a fear of medication!  I meet with a psychiatrist later this week, and we will see what he has to say, but hopefully he's willing to work with my fear and give the talk therapy thing a try first.

I've also been keeping myself extremely busy, and it was helpful that the month of December was the 12 Days of Fitness at our YMCA.  I was able to not only get my 12 days, but got a handle on my fitness which I feel is a great way to start off the new year!  I've found that I am enjoying Zumba again, and I also tried PIYO which was a blast!  For those of you that don't know, PIYO is a mix between pilates and yoga, and really works muscle groups I didn't even know I had!

Share your New Years resolutions with me, I'd love to hear some of them!  May you all be healthy and prosperous in 2018.  (I talk like I have followers, ha!)

PANIC Attacks!!!

Hey folks, I don't think I have a lot of followers, but I wanted to touch on something serious that happened to me this past weekend. 

On Sunday morning around 5am I woke up with a horrible migraine.  I got up, took one regular tylenol, and tried to go back to sleep.  In my futile attempt to return to my slumber, I realized, I couldn't!  It felt like I was struggling to breath, and my mind was racing.  This went on for several hours. 

I woke up my husband finally around 7am and told him what was happening.  As I paced around the house, he sat drinking his coffee trying to calm me down, and of course analyzing what was happening, which was not the most helpful thing.  He then tried to get me to sit and take deep breaths.  This seems to work for a minute, but then my throat started to feel like it was closing.  I finally announced I needed to go to the ER, I thought I was having a heart attack!

Let me tell you, the quickest way to get into the ER to be seen is to tell them you cannot breath.  I was in a room and robe in a jif!  As I sat waiting for a nurse or doctor I started to feel like my symptoms were getting worse, and my jaw started to tighten and get tingly.  Finally the ER doc made his appearance, and he politely told me I was having a panic attack.  WHAT?!  ME?  A panic attack?  How could this be?

I Immediately started crying and told my husband I "felt like an asshole".  How could this be happening to me, this is embarrassing, and worse, it made me feel like a horrible mother as my squish was there with us.  Of course not knowing how long we would be, my husband called his parents to come pick up the kiddo, which meant more people knew what was happening.  The ER took blood and did an EKG just be safe, but all came back normal.  The doctor prescribed me 1mg of Ativan, however, I was so nervous about taking medication that I asked for half of the dose, which actually worked wonders.  It did make me a bit dizzy, but I felt so much calmer and more myself again.

I didn't realize that I have been dealing with anxiety for so long after having my baby.  I knew I had some mild anxiety prior to being pregnant, but after she was born, it just escalated, and eventually turned into this panic attack.  I'm happy that I know I'm not having cardiac issues at this point, and have done a bit of research on how to control my body when it occurs again.  It's ultimately making time for myself, and managing my emotions, not bottling things up, and making sure I am expelling the built up energy I tend to have. 

Although I'm still slightly embarrassed that this happened, I am happy I am able to know what do next time it occurs, because there will be a next time.  To top everything off, I think that my anxiety is now higher that I know I have real, full blown anxiety.  I'm following up with my PCP at the end of the month.

My husband has struggled to understand and deal with my ups and downs, but he's getting the hang of it, and I am getting the hang of apologizing and making him aware of how I'm feeling each day. 

For all the mom's out there that have dealt with this, don't be embarrassed.  Talk about it, and allow yourself to understand that you will be able to heal from this, and eventually get your feelings and emotions in control. 

Strong Mom

I never knew how strong I could be until I had a child.  I never knew that in the face of danger, I could face that danger head on, and not know the fear I came in contact with until it was over.  I never knew that when my baby girl was hurting, I would have to put on a brave face, and handle the situation like a boss!

I also never knew how weak and vulnerable I could be when I became a mom.  Until recently, Marlo has been very happy and healthy.  Last week she developed an ear infection, and like any normal parent, we put her on an antibiotic.  Little did we know, Marlo would develop a severe allergic reaction to Amoxicillin, 8 days AFTER she started the antibiotic.  She woke up this morning with both eyes swollen shut, and her face so puffy that she didn't even want to eat.  I immediately started crying when I looked at her, not only because I felt badly for her, but also because there was absolutely nothing I could do to provide her relief.

My husband and I rushed her to the ER and there she was placed on steroids which are already helping.

The feeling of helplessness is something that I have never felt the way I did today.  Sobbing on my husbands shoulder and having to leave the room when they took her blood made me feel like a horrible mother, but also reminded me that I am human.

Desmond

Does this look like a face that would harm anyone?  I'm going to go on the tirade of Pit Bulls, and Pit mixes get a bad wrap.  Desmond is 5 years old.  My husband and I got him from our local shelter when he was just 11 weeks old.  He and all 10 of his siblings were left in a box with their mom on the side of a local highway.  Mom was loose and got hit and killed by a car.  Luckily, a good citizen stopped to see if she was still alive and found the pups.

Des is labeled as a border collie mix....excuse me?  While Mom apparently looked like a border collie, Desmond, certainly does NOT!  He's got the brindle coat, and a mouth full of teeth that go back further than you can see.  While he has the smaller stature of a border collie, he's got some pit in there too.

People are actually afraid of my handsome man, and will move off of a sidewalk to avoid us when we're walking.  In the meantime, Des is wagging his tail and just wanting to lick them to death.

I've been reading a lot of stories in the news lately about cities and towns banning these types and breeds from being owned.  Thousands of them are being "humanely" euthanized each month, and while there are a lot of activist out there fighting for these breeds, there are not enough.  I think it's time as a society that we start taking responsibility for the behavior that some of the bully breeds exhibit. After all, we learn from what we live with!

You cannot expect an abused Pit Bull to be adopted within a month and act like a normal dog, particularly if they were used in a fighting ring in some way, whether as the aggressor, or the bait. These dogs need time, just like people, to be rehabilitated, and to be shown that there are good things in this world.  Any breed of dog has the opportunity to be aggressive if abused and mistreated.  And we, as people, as the higher species, need to start recognizing this, and saying, it's not the dogs fault, it's the owner.

Desmond was fortunate enough to be treated fairly after he was abandon.  He was bottle fed and kept with his siblings until they were all ready to be adopted.  The handling and care at this young age is extremely important when it comes to raising a dog.  Desmond did not even bark for the entire first year that my husband and I had him, we thought he was mute!  Border Collies and Pit Bulls are known for being vocal, so we're not sure where his silence came from.  He does bark now, but it's more of a bark/howl.  I feel 100% safe with this boy, and I think if we were in danger, yes that aggressive nature would come out, but he really just wants loving and snacks.

He's turning out to be a wonderful dog, and ever since Marlo has come into the picture, he's been by her side watching, making sure she's alright.  I never hesitate when it comes to those two playing together, and while I do keep an eye on them, mostly to save Desmond from toddler harm, it wouldn't cross my mind that he would ever bite or attack Marlo, mostly because of the respect and the hierarchy we've created in our household from the very beginning.  It's like raising a child, you have to set expectations and rules, and also allow them to be part of the family.  Des was our first "baby" in a sense, allowing us to care and raise something into a valuable member of the family, and of society. (He's somewhat of a local celebrity)

Lets take a step forward, and start taking responsibility for the actions we like to blame others for!

***I apologize for the serious post today***

Am I the only one?

Lately I have been reading the book, "I Just Want to Pee Alone."  It is a compilation of stories mostly taken from parenting blogs.  They are put together to allow other parents to find humor in their own difficult situations when dealing with their children.  While it's extremely entertaining, I do not come across many stories that speak highly of parenthood, and it has been making me feel like I am the only one in the world that enjoys being a parent.

I recently read one story about only child parents getting the wrath of parents with multiple children because they don't think having just one child is as difficult as several.  This kind of upset me because, I only have one child as of right now, yes, but also, having one is very hard.  And don't get me wrong, I think I am the only parent in my group of friends that doesn't constantly complain about their child (yet), but that's only because I tend to focus more on the positive end of parenting rather than all the negative stuff.  As only having one child, that means that my husband and I are experiencing every first, and all the frustrations and learning how to deal with them all for the first time.  I think sometimes, parents of multiple children forget how hard that first time parent thing can be.  I'm sure having more than one is extremely difficult, (which I'm willing to try at some point), but I have also come to realize that these people never mention their partners, whether it's a husband or significant other.  Where is the support?!

My husband is a FANTASTIC father.  I could not have been more blessed with the person I chose to have children with.  Marty is extremely involved with Marlo, and loves her and I to bits.  He is able to see when I am getting frustrated, and will immediately take over and give me a break if needed.  And I do the same for him.  We always end up laughing in the end, even after Marlo has thrown a tantrum because I won't let her eat the dog food.  I understand that not everyone has a partner, but there is a point in parenthood where you have to be able to ask someone, anyone, grandparent, aunt/uncle, friend, for help.  We've all heard the saying "It takes a village", and it really does. It bugs me when all of these bloggers, and even my friends just make humor about complaining about their children.  Children are a gift.  We are so lucky to have Marlo, as we had some struggles trying to get pregnant, and I know other friends that have struggled as well.

I guess what I am trying to say is that parents needs to focus on the positives and the beauty of their children, regardless of what they broke that week, or the picture they drew on the wall.  Quit complaining about being a parent and embrace it.  And if you can't ask for help, that's your fault.  I learned a long time ago, I cannot tackle everything on my own, especially my kid.  So when I'm getting stressed or overwhelmed I ask for help.  I'm not a religious person, but, love and cherish that child, because before you know they will be grown up and on their own.

Sorry about my rant!

The Working Mom

I always get the lecture from certain people in my life who feel that I should stay at home every waking moment with my daughter.  Not only does this make me feel bad anytime I make time for myself, but it also makes me think how crazy we both would go if I did such a thing. Everyone needs a break from one another, and work is my outlet, my adult time, and Marlo's time with her grandparents and other kids at daycare.

I work as a school counselor in an alternative school setting, and yes, some days are very challenging, but a lot of them are also rewarding.  The benefit of working with "at risk" youth certainly outweighs the downsides.  A lot of the times we have unsuccessful students who end up getting placed within a group home, or dropping out of school.  But, there is always that one success story throughout the year that really makes it all worth it.  If we get more than 1 a year, that's an added bonus!

I recently read an article that stated working mother's (and father's), tend to work on average between parenthood and their normal 8 hour work day, 86 hours plus a week!  No wonder I am exhausted at the end of every day!  I used to think something was wrong with me once I got home and just wanted to nap after work!  Now I know why I am so tired.  I typically tell people, working with teenagers is like being in Washington D.C. traffic for 8 hours.  You must constantly be aware of what is going on around you.  It may not be physically exhausting, but mentally for sure.  Once I am done with work, I try to come home and decompress.  But now that I have a toddler, decompressing is difficult to do at times.

Last year, after I begrudgingly returned to work after my maternity leave with the voices of those SAHM ideas in my head, I was pleasantly greeted by an old student who successfully graduated high school, got a job, and is thinking of becoming a police officer after they complete their time within the Coast Guard.  When that student arrived and shared their success with me thus far, it really made me take a step back and recognize that although I may not help every single student I come in contact with, I always help at least one.

Now, don't get me wrong, I am not saying working mom's are better than stay at home mom's. SAHM have just as much of a job as an outside working mom, if not more.  I give them all credit for entertaining their little one's all day, and enriching their minds so that they grow up to be successful human beings among society, as I try to do at my job with teenagers at school that have lost those skills somewhere along the way.

Whether you're a working parents, or a SAHM, I tip my hat to you.  I have just recognized the SAHM gig is not for me, and I am happy that I no longer fret over whether I am doing the right thing for my family and myself.  Mommy needs adult time, and if that includes a paycheck for 8 hours of my day, I'm cool with that!