Happy New Year!

Happy New Year everyone! 2018, wow, I just can't even believe it's here!  I feel like the hubs and I just found out we were pregnant in 2015!  Crazy how time flies when you're having fun.

I don't really believe in New Year's resolutions, but I do resolve to blog more often about more interesting topics so hopefully I can get some followers that can relate to things I am going through.  I may start to review the products I use for Marlo and hope to help others find things that work for them and their babies. 

Another resolution I have is to get a handle on my anxiety.  I have started with a new therapist and she is wonderful!  She has already given me some tools for my toolbox in order to calm myself down when I feel like I am getting anxious, and we've only met once!  And guess what, these things work!  She assured me she feels that my anxiety can be helped without the use of medication, (which only causes me more anxiety!)  I have found that I have a fear of medication!  I meet with a psychiatrist later this week, and we will see what he has to say, but hopefully he's willing to work with my fear and give the talk therapy thing a try first.

I've also been keeping myself extremely busy, and it was helpful that the month of December was the 12 Days of Fitness at our YMCA.  I was able to not only get my 12 days, but got a handle on my fitness which I feel is a great way to start off the new year!  I've found that I am enjoying Zumba again, and I also tried PIYO which was a blast!  For those of you that don't know, PIYO is a mix between pilates and yoga, and really works muscle groups I didn't even know I had!

Share your New Years resolutions with me, I'd love to hear some of them!  May you all be healthy and prosperous in 2018.  (I talk like I have followers, ha!)

PANIC Attacks!!!

Hey folks, I don't think I have a lot of followers, but I wanted to touch on something serious that happened to me this past weekend. 

On Sunday morning around 5am I woke up with a horrible migraine.  I got up, took one regular tylenol, and tried to go back to sleep.  In my futile attempt to return to my slumber, I realized, I couldn't!  It felt like I was struggling to breath, and my mind was racing.  This went on for several hours. 

I woke up my husband finally around 7am and told him what was happening.  As I paced around the house, he sat drinking his coffee trying to calm me down, and of course analyzing what was happening, which was not the most helpful thing.  He then tried to get me to sit and take deep breaths.  This seems to work for a minute, but then my throat started to feel like it was closing.  I finally announced I needed to go to the ER, I thought I was having a heart attack!

Let me tell you, the quickest way to get into the ER to be seen is to tell them you cannot breath.  I was in a room and robe in a jif!  As I sat waiting for a nurse or doctor I started to feel like my symptoms were getting worse, and my jaw started to tighten and get tingly.  Finally the ER doc made his appearance, and he politely told me I was having a panic attack.  WHAT?!  ME?  A panic attack?  How could this be?

I Immediately started crying and told my husband I "felt like an asshole".  How could this be happening to me, this is embarrassing, and worse, it made me feel like a horrible mother as my squish was there with us.  Of course not knowing how long we would be, my husband called his parents to come pick up the kiddo, which meant more people knew what was happening.  The ER took blood and did an EKG just be safe, but all came back normal.  The doctor prescribed me 1mg of Ativan, however, I was so nervous about taking medication that I asked for half of the dose, which actually worked wonders.  It did make me a bit dizzy, but I felt so much calmer and more myself again.

I didn't realize that I have been dealing with anxiety for so long after having my baby.  I knew I had some mild anxiety prior to being pregnant, but after she was born, it just escalated, and eventually turned into this panic attack.  I'm happy that I know I'm not having cardiac issues at this point, and have done a bit of research on how to control my body when it occurs again.  It's ultimately making time for myself, and managing my emotions, not bottling things up, and making sure I am expelling the built up energy I tend to have. 

Although I'm still slightly embarrassed that this happened, I am happy I am able to know what do next time it occurs, because there will be a next time.  To top everything off, I think that my anxiety is now higher that I know I have real, full blown anxiety.  I'm following up with my PCP at the end of the month.

My husband has struggled to understand and deal with my ups and downs, but he's getting the hang of it, and I am getting the hang of apologizing and making him aware of how I'm feeling each day. 

For all the mom's out there that have dealt with this, don't be embarrassed.  Talk about it, and allow yourself to understand that you will be able to heal from this, and eventually get your feelings and emotions in control. 

Am I the only one?

Lately I have been reading the book, "I Just Want to Pee Alone."  It is a compilation of stories mostly taken from parenting blogs.  They are put together to allow other parents to find humor in their own difficult situations when dealing with their children.  While it's extremely entertaining, I do not come across many stories that speak highly of parenthood, and it has been making me feel like I am the only one in the world that enjoys being a parent.

I recently read one story about only child parents getting the wrath of parents with multiple children because they don't think having just one child is as difficult as several.  This kind of upset me because, I only have one child as of right now, yes, but also, having one is very hard.  And don't get me wrong, I think I am the only parent in my group of friends that doesn't constantly complain about their child (yet), but that's only because I tend to focus more on the positive end of parenting rather than all the negative stuff.  As only having one child, that means that my husband and I are experiencing every first, and all the frustrations and learning how to deal with them all for the first time.  I think sometimes, parents of multiple children forget how hard that first time parent thing can be.  I'm sure having more than one is extremely difficult, (which I'm willing to try at some point), but I have also come to realize that these people never mention their partners, whether it's a husband or significant other.  Where is the support?!

My husband is a FANTASTIC father.  I could not have been more blessed with the person I chose to have children with.  Marty is extremely involved with Marlo, and loves her and I to bits.  He is able to see when I am getting frustrated, and will immediately take over and give me a break if needed.  And I do the same for him.  We always end up laughing in the end, even after Marlo has thrown a tantrum because I won't let her eat the dog food.  I understand that not everyone has a partner, but there is a point in parenthood where you have to be able to ask someone, anyone, grandparent, aunt/uncle, friend, for help.  We've all heard the saying "It takes a village", and it really does. It bugs me when all of these bloggers, and even my friends just make humor about complaining about their children.  Children are a gift.  We are so lucky to have Marlo, as we had some struggles trying to get pregnant, and I know other friends that have struggled as well.

I guess what I am trying to say is that parents needs to focus on the positives and the beauty of their children, regardless of what they broke that week, or the picture they drew on the wall.  Quit complaining about being a parent and embrace it.  And if you can't ask for help, that's your fault.  I learned a long time ago, I cannot tackle everything on my own, especially my kid.  So when I'm getting stressed or overwhelmed I ask for help.  I'm not a religious person, but, love and cherish that child, because before you know they will be grown up and on their own.

Sorry about my rant!

The Working Mom

I always get the lecture from certain people in my life who feel that I should stay at home every waking moment with my daughter.  Not only does this make me feel bad anytime I make time for myself, but it also makes me think how crazy we both would go if I did such a thing. Everyone needs a break from one another, and work is my outlet, my adult time, and Marlo's time with her grandparents and other kids at daycare.

I work as a school counselor in an alternative school setting, and yes, some days are very challenging, but a lot of them are also rewarding.  The benefit of working with "at risk" youth certainly outweighs the downsides.  A lot of the times we have unsuccessful students who end up getting placed within a group home, or dropping out of school.  But, there is always that one success story throughout the year that really makes it all worth it.  If we get more than 1 a year, that's an added bonus!

I recently read an article that stated working mother's (and father's), tend to work on average between parenthood and their normal 8 hour work day, 86 hours plus a week!  No wonder I am exhausted at the end of every day!  I used to think something was wrong with me once I got home and just wanted to nap after work!  Now I know why I am so tired.  I typically tell people, working with teenagers is like being in Washington D.C. traffic for 8 hours.  You must constantly be aware of what is going on around you.  It may not be physically exhausting, but mentally for sure.  Once I am done with work, I try to come home and decompress.  But now that I have a toddler, decompressing is difficult to do at times.

Last year, after I begrudgingly returned to work after my maternity leave with the voices of those SAHM ideas in my head, I was pleasantly greeted by an old student who successfully graduated high school, got a job, and is thinking of becoming a police officer after they complete their time within the Coast Guard.  When that student arrived and shared their success with me thus far, it really made me take a step back and recognize that although I may not help every single student I come in contact with, I always help at least one.

Now, don't get me wrong, I am not saying working mom's are better than stay at home mom's. SAHM have just as much of a job as an outside working mom, if not more.  I give them all credit for entertaining their little one's all day, and enriching their minds so that they grow up to be successful human beings among society, as I try to do at my job with teenagers at school that have lost those skills somewhere along the way.

Whether you're a working parents, or a SAHM, I tip my hat to you.  I have just recognized the SAHM gig is not for me, and I am happy that I no longer fret over whether I am doing the right thing for my family and myself.  Mommy needs adult time, and if that includes a paycheck for 8 hours of my day, I'm cool with that!

I survived!

Any moms out there terrified when it comes to the thought of your husband leaving you alone with the child for a weekend?  Well, I was, but it went surprisingly well!

Marty left to go camping last weekend for basically 3 days.  I was so scared that something was going to go wrong while he was away I had myself in a tizzy!  Eventually, after the first 24 hours, I realized that I am a great mom, and I just kept Marlo and me busy while he was away.  She was actually great, and very well behaved, and I don't think she even cried once!

We went shopping, went out to eat, and even went to the pool.  During our shopping excursions I made the mistake of buying an electronic toy that now repeats on the daily, "the cat says..." because Marlo only has interest in pushing the buttons, not hearing what it has to say.  I immediately regretted the purchase as soon as I took it out of the box, but luckily there is an on/off button. Phew!

I did take Marlo to grandma and grandpa's the one afternoon in order to get some much needed house cleaning caught up, and get myself a shower, but other than that we had a great couple of days together. Not that I don't love all that my hubs does for us, trust me I do!  But while he was away, it was amazing how clean the house stayed, even with a 1-year old in it!  It was also awesome to tell him all of the new things she had learned or acquired in just those few days.  Children really are sponges and do learn something new almost every minute it seems.

So for you moms out there that are worried about the first time you're home alone with your little one while your hubby or significant other is gone for a few days, don't sweat it, you got this!